It’s hard to see you as 3 and doing so much yourself. Last night I held your bear and it felt so light compared to how big your baby sister has grown. Logan you continue to make me so proud to be your mama.
I remember staring at the wall of the shower as the water poured over me. Arguing with God that I had already given him my son. Why did he take my Hope too? ⠀⠀ Why was I suffering and losing another child? I talk so much about Logan, but 2 years ago I walked into […]
Looking at them makes me want to celebrate and smile. So many times I felt like I see other families that have a child and have a new pregnancy and they either totally disappear from social media or they only talk about the new baby. ⠀⠀ Allison is struggling with not being the only kid […]
Have you ever cried so much that you ran out of tears? ? Your swollen eyes just give out and dry up while a current of unrest still gushes through your soul. And you look up toward heaven in utter frustration. That was us!
My soul was crying and pleading with God to take this away from me. Make this not my sons story. As much as I pleaded I couldn’t change what was happening.
It is finished. I feel just exhausted from all of the heart work this took getting put onto paper. It’s taken me 929 days to write this and put the full story from my perspective down. It’s raw and I could keep editing it for years more I’m sure.
About 6 months after Logan died I met another loss mama a couple years further in her journey. She told me to keep looking for God in the details. She told me you probably can’t see it now, but there will come a time when you’ll see where God is in the details again. When […]
Over the last 2 years I’ve known October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. This year the milestone of this month came in like a quiet lamb and was fitting for the sunrise today. The benefit of having kids who decide to both wake up early is that you get to open the blinds […]
If you’re a part of the infant and pregnancy loss community you probably already know the term Rainbow Baby. A rainbow is a baby born after the storms of grief from miscarriage, still birth or death in infancy. It’s supposed to give us hope of new coming. It’s hard for me to explain how a […]
2 years in heaven is as if it was a lifetime ago and yesterday at the same time. We will be remembering you and trying to celebrate you the best we can as the waves come and surround us today.
If you are on Instagram and want to remember his story search for #Instabirth0726 and see his birth and life story and help us remember his short time here.
With this pregnancy I am all too aware that I have no guarantee this will turn out any differently than our last two. Knowing that I am absolutely not in control over any part of each day of this pregnancy. Being all too aware of this lack of control gives me moments of anxiety, joy, excitement, confusion and grief. It’s so hard to explain to someone who hasn’t gone through a pregnancy loss and understood these emotions. It’s really reassuring to have a loss community of friends who remind me I’m not actually crazy, I’m just pregnant and grieving and they have to co-exist.
This is my second Mother’s Day without all my children by my side. Another one with family pictures this morning missing one person who is so very much a part of this day. Being asked ‘ What do I want for this day?’ Really the answer is something that no one on this Earth can […]
This is a day for Warrior moms. Those who count their children in their hearts not their arms. May all of us find some peace today.
Please give me grace for where I am each day. Please forgive me when I flake out on plans because I just found a little sock and have now been crying on the floor for 20 minutes. Give me grace when I’m too afraid to let my living children out of my sight when you offer to babysit.
I’m continually amazed at how my 4 year old navigates this grief and death stuff better than me and most adults. Moments like National Siblings day make my heart break. I know she’s not the only child most see, and I know she will always remember she is not. Last week at a Disney ice […]
There is no safe time of pregnancy to announce where loss isn’t a possibility. I know that no matter the length or outcome of this pregnancy we won’t get through it alone. It takes a village.
The saying time heals all wounds must never have felt a wound like this. a wound that changes you to think what would be different or what are we missing that I think everyday.
Sometimes the sounds of Christmas are just hard. I don’t know if I will ever fully be able to listen to silent night without breaking down. There’s moments that make it such a mixture of guilt, sadness, anger, love and joy all mixed together. It’s not always easy to navigate them. I feel like I’ve […]
Help break the silence and remember with us by lightning a candle at 7 pm for remembrance. Unfortunately our family is not alone in this unimaginable pain. No matter how small they mattered and are always a mystery of who they would’ve been. They matter because they were here, if only for a moment.
Each month we see pink for the warriors who have fought the battle of breast cancer. We see it in stores and even the football fields. This month few outside our community know that this month has had another dedication since October 25, 1988 when President Regan proclaimed this month Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. A month of remembrance of loss of those tiniest babies we hold in our hearts. https://tinyurl.com/ya342hte
There’s maybe more meaning to the saying ‘an elephant never forgets’ than you thought you knew. These animals are gentle giants walking this Earth who have so much teach us.
So many people who have contacted me since I started writing with their own stories. These are stories of old wounds, vulnerability and reopened scars and the memories that haunt us at night. They usually start with a disclaimer “it doesn’t compare to what has happened to you” or “I wasn’t as far as you […]