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#TheStoryOfLogan

Have you ever cried so much that you ran out of tears? ? Your swollen eyes just give out and dry up while a current of unrest still gushes through your soul. And you look up toward heaven in utter frustration. That was us! My soul was crying and pleading with God to take this away from me. Make this not my sons story. As much as I pleaded I couldn’t change what was happening. It is finished. I feel just exhausted from all of the heart work this took getting put onto paper. It’s taken me 929 days to write this and put the full story from my perspective down. It’s raw and I could keep editing it for years more I’m sure.

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Meaning of a Rainbow

If you’re a part of the infant and pregnancy loss community you probably already know the term Rainbow Baby. A rainbow is a baby born…

Continue reading → Meaning of a Rainbow

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Wave of lightning 

Help break the silence and remember with us by lightning a candle at 7 pm for remembrance. Unfortunately our family is not alone in this unimaginable pain. No matter how small they mattered and are always a mystery of who they would’ve been. They matter because they were here, if only for a moment.

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Not Where I Thought I’d Be

This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. This most recent loss is not how I thought I would be introducing our third child to the internet world. We thank everyone who has supported us so much this week. I know many ask what they can do to help. Really I have no answer. In a state of shock I'm still trying to put my own oxygen mask on before helping others. Once I get some more oxygen I'll let you know.

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Stepping Into The Great Unknown

The power of scent for memory recall has continued to amaze me. I have learned so much more from this and am taking steps to no longer sit aside as uneducated to what I am placing on and in my body. I am doing more of my own research and finding more sources. I know I am not alone, I am the 1 in 4 (miscarriage) and 1 in 160 (stillbirth) who have known infant loss.

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Your Irreplaceable

Time will not change that. Time does not heal all wounds, it allows for a different perspective. No matter what stage in life our children are not replaceable. No matter how many others I hold in my arms they will not be the one I lost.

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Would You Like To Tell Me About Your Family

Instead of asking 'How many kids do you have?' Consider what will you say if they don't have any, or what if they came here to not talk about kids. Ask them instead 'would you like to tell me about your family?'

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Neverland-That Place Between Awake and Asleep

It was a place between asleep and awake that reminds me of Peter Pan. A place where he's waiting and will be with me. Since this I can go to sleep with the hope that someone else will visit me and tell me about whose caring for Logan and hear that he's ok.

I've learned that there will not be a time that I won't be remembering or grieving, but it won't always be a tsunami. Grief comes in waves and sometimes you swim around it and sometimes you go under, but I have learned that through God I will always be able to come up. The only advice I remember really grasping onto is to talk to yourself as if you were your best friend. Be kind to yourself. That some days one breath at a time is good enough.