Even though I thought that we had been careful with our budget and that our Christmas bonus would have easily paid off any other end of year expenses. When the month was over and I really analyzed what we’d spent I’d realized that our bonus was gone, but looking around we couldn’t really pin point on what it had gone on.
I may not be the the best room mom. The mom who has homemade snacks ready at all times. I may say we’re having chicken nuggets for the 4th night in a row, because sometimes I just value the silence and a kid who actually eats something. ⠀⠀ . But when we’re playing at a […]
I remember staring at the wall of the shower as the water poured over me. Arguing with God that I had already given him my son. Why did he take my Hope too? ⠀⠀ Why was I suffering and losing another child? I talk so much about Logan, but 2 years ago I walked into […]
Is #transformationtuesday still a thing people do? I guess I see lots of posts of people at the gym and their physical body progress when they use this hashtag! Here’s mine… ⠀⠀ I have transformed from a shy girl who once had posters of Hanson and N’Sync lining her bedroom walls. A girl who didn’t […]
What a strange day this is. I think it’s usually full of expectations that rarely are all fulfilled. A day that’s hard for women waiting to be moms, wanting all her kids in a picture, babies that weren’t big enough to hold. If you are missing your child, longing for one wanting this day to […]
Have you ever cried so much that you ran out of tears? ? Your swollen eyes just give out and dry up while a current of unrest still gushes through your soul. And you look up toward heaven in utter frustration. That was us!
My soul was crying and pleading with God to take this away from me. Make this not my sons story. As much as I pleaded I couldn’t change what was happening.
It is finished. I feel just exhausted from all of the heart work this took getting put onto paper. It’s taken me 929 days to write this and put the full story from my perspective down. It’s raw and I could keep editing it for years more I’m sure.
If you’re a part of the infant and pregnancy loss community you probably already know the term Rainbow Baby. A rainbow is a baby born after the storms of grief from miscarriage, still birth or death in infancy. It’s supposed to give us hope of new coming. It’s hard for me to explain how a […]
There is no safe time of pregnancy to announce where loss isn’t a possibility. I know that no matter the length or outcome of this pregnancy we won’t get through it alone. It takes a village.
Help break the silence and remember with us by lightning a candle at 7 pm for remembrance. Unfortunately our family is not alone in this unimaginable pain. No matter how small they mattered and are always a mystery of who they would’ve been. They matter because they were here, if only for a moment.
As the seasons change and we enter into the crisper barren brown of fall, there’s something missing from it in my heart that cannot be filled.
This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. This most recent loss is not how I thought I would be introducing our third child to the internet world. We thank everyone who has supported us so much this week. I know many ask what they can do to help. Really I have no answer. In a state of shock I’m still trying to put my own oxygen mask on before helping others. Once I get some more oxygen I’ll let you know.
Some times the constant reminder you may have a trigger day coming is worse than the actual day. Some days it’s all around when you least expect it!
The power of scent for memory recall has continued to amaze me. I have learned so much more from this and am taking steps to no longer sit aside as uneducated to what I am placing on and in my body. I am doing more of my own research and finding more sources. I know I am not alone, I am the 1 in 4 (miscarriage) and 1 in 160 (stillbirth) who have known infant loss.
I cannot say enough how inspiring Sheryl Sandberg is personally and professionally as a woman teaching other women to Lean In. In May 2015 Dave Goldberg, then CEO of tech company SurveyMonkey, husband of top Facebook executive Sheryl Sandberg and father of their two children, passed away unexpectedly while on vacation in Mexico. The way […]
Why is the status of only child seemingly only associated as bad? As a society we have a tendency to say ‘your baby is so cute, when are you having more?’ or “Is this your first?” These questions lead to an automatic assumption that a couple having 1 child must want more babies, or we […]
Some days it’s just easier to start a day with a song. It’s good to remember that life is wondrous and beautiful. I think it reminds you that following your heart will get you to a new place of Love. That we never imagined we’d end up here, but we followed our hearts and has led […]
PSA of what you should never ask of a woman!
So many people who have contacted me since I started writing with their own stories. These are stories of old wounds, vulnerability and reopened scars and the memories that haunt us at night. They usually start with a disclaimer “it doesn’t compare to what has happened to you” or “I wasn’t as far as you […]
I love having family and friends who are so open about telling me that they miss Logan too! Please know that each time it makes my heart so happy. Although I might cry missing him too, it makes me so happy to hear his name every time!
Time will not change that. Time does not heal all wounds, it allows for a different perspective.
No matter what stage in life our children are not replaceable. No matter how many others I hold in my arms they will not be the one I lost.