Even though I thought that we had been careful with our budget and that our Christmas bonus would have easily paid off any other end of year expenses. When the month was over and I really analyzed what we’d spent I’d realized that our bonus was gone, but looking around we couldn’t really pin point on what it had gone on.
It’s hard to see you as 3 and doing so much yourself. Last night I held your bear and it felt so light compared to how big your baby sister has grown. Logan you continue to make me so proud to be your mama.
This week has been a blur of doing a million summer memories, spending time together and also a time where we know our hearts are starting to feel heavier. There’s a 3 year old we aren’t going to be throwing your “traditional” birthday party for. Mostly because there’s no 3 year old boy to blow […]
I remember staring at the wall of the shower as the water poured over me. Arguing with God that I had already given him my son. Why did he take my Hope too? ⠀⠀ Why was I suffering and losing another child? I talk so much about Logan, but 2 years ago I walked into […]
What a strange day this is. I think it’s usually full of expectations that rarely are all fulfilled. A day that’s hard for women waiting to be moms, wanting all her kids in a picture, babies that weren’t big enough to hold. If you are missing your child, longing for one wanting this day to […]
Have you ever cried so much that you ran out of tears? ? Your swollen eyes just give out and dry up while a current of unrest still gushes through your soul. And you look up toward heaven in utter frustration. That was us!
My soul was crying and pleading with God to take this away from me. Make this not my sons story. As much as I pleaded I couldn’t change what was happening.
It is finished. I feel just exhausted from all of the heart work this took getting put onto paper. It’s taken me 929 days to write this and put the full story from my perspective down. It’s raw and I could keep editing it for years more I’m sure.
About 6 months after Logan died I met another loss mama a couple years further in her journey. She told me to keep looking for God in the details. She told me you probably can’t see it now, but there will come a time when you’ll see where God is in the details again. When […]
Not every rainbow is an ending of something. Sometimes it’s just the beginning.