#thestoryofLogan

Have you ever cried so much that you ran out of tears? ? Your swollen eyes just give out and dry up while a current of unrest still gushes through your soul. And you look up toward heaven in utter frustration. That was us! My soul was crying and pleading with God to take this away from me. Make this not my sons story. As much as I pleaded I couldn’t change what was happening. It is finished. I feel just exhausted from all of the heart work this took getting put onto paper. It’s taken me 929 days to write this and put the full story from my perspective down. It’s raw and I could keep editing it for years more I’m sure.

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The Small Moments

I sometimes forget how Allie is only 5. She sometimes has crazy amounts of wisdom to say this amazing stuff! Today it was just her…

Continue reading → The Small Moments

#TheStoryOfLogan

Have you ever cried so much that you ran out of tears? ? Your swollen eyes just give out and dry up while a current of unrest still gushes through your soul. And you look up toward heaven in utter frustration. That was us! My soul was crying and pleading with God to take this away from me. Make this not my sons story. As much as I pleaded I couldn’t change what was happening. It is finished. I feel just exhausted from all of the heart work this took getting put onto paper. It’s taken me 929 days to write this and put the full story from my perspective down. It’s raw and I could keep editing it for years more I’m sure.

Another Countdown from another year without you

The nights feel short in anticipation of the countdown coming. Bells will ring and celebrations that another new start is coming with the new year. For just a moment I’m pausing for my year of remembrance. My time to think about being further from your time on Earth.

Looking Forward and Turning A New Page

“Whenever and however you intend to give birth, your experience will impact your emotions, your mind, your body and your spirt for the rest of your life.” Ina May Gaskin The moment a child is born a mother is born too. A woman whose life and identity is changed as a new person is now able to call her mom.

A Birthday Lost in Neverland

2 years in heaven is as if it was a lifetime ago and yesterday at the same time. We will be remembering you and trying to celebrate you the best we can as the waves come and surround us today. If you are on Instagram and want to remember his story search for #Instabirth0726 and see his birth and life story and help us remember his short time here.

Pregnancy and Grief Collide

With this pregnancy I am all too aware that I have no guarantee this will turn out any differently than our last two. Knowing that I am absolutely not in control over any part of each day of this pregnancy. Being all too aware of this lack of control gives me moments of anxiety, joy, excitement, confusion and grief. It's so hard to explain to someone who hasn't gone through a pregnancy loss and understood these emotions. It's really reassuring to have a loss community of friends who remind me I'm not actually crazy, I'm just pregnant and grieving and they have to co-exist.

Grace upon grace

Please give me grace for where I am each day. Please forgive me when I flake out on plans because I just found a little sock and have now been crying on the floor for 20 minutes. Give me grace when I'm too afraid to let my living children out of my sight when you offer to babysit.

Learning to Stand Again

Easter and the celebration of heaven is reminding me I'm one day closer to being able to know for myself. One day these hard questions will be answered. Although we may all stray we will one day be finding our way back home. We are all dust and to dust we shall return.