#TheStoryOfLogan

Have you ever cried so much that you ran out of tears? ? Your swollen eyes just give out and dry up while a current of unrest still gushes through your soul. And you look up toward heaven in utter frustration. That was us! My soul was crying and pleading with God to take this away from me. Make this not my sons story. As much as I pleaded I couldn’t change what was happening. It is finished. I feel just exhausted from all of the heart work this took getting put onto paper. It’s taken me 929 days to write this and put the full story from my perspective down. It’s raw and I could keep editing it for years more I’m sure.

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God is in the Details

About 6 months after Logan died I met another loss mama a couple years further in her journey. She told me to keep looking for…

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Grace upon grace

Please give me grace for where I am each day. Please forgive me when I flake out on plans because I just found a little sock and have now been crying on the floor for 20 minutes. Give me grace when I'm too afraid to let my living children out of my sight when you offer to babysit.

Wave of lightning 

Help break the silence and remember with us by lightning a candle at 7 pm for remembrance. Unfortunately our family is not alone in this unimaginable pain. No matter how small they mattered and are always a mystery of who they would’ve been. They matter because they were here, if only for a moment.

Beauty of October Sunrise 

Each month we see pink for the warriors who have fought the battle of breast cancer. We see it in stores and even the football fields. This month few outside our community know that this month has had another dedication since October 25, 1988 when President Regan proclaimed this month Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. A month of remembrance of loss of those tiniest babies we hold in our hearts. https://tinyurl.com/ya342hte

Not Where I Thought I’d Be

This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. This most recent loss is not how I thought I would be introducing our third child to the internet world. We thank everyone who has supported us so much this week. I know many ask what they can do to help. Really I have no answer. In a state of shock I'm still trying to put my own oxygen mask on before helping others. Once I get some more oxygen I'll let you know.

I wonder if the mailman thinks my baby is still alive…

  With both my pregnancies I signed up for the baby tracking apps. The ones which tell you your baby is now the size of a blueberry,…

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Your Irreplaceable

Time will not change that. Time does not heal all wounds, it allows for a different perspective. No matter what stage in life our children are not replaceable. No matter how many others I hold in my arms they will not be the one I lost.

Would You Like To Tell Me About Your Family

Instead of asking 'How many kids do you have?' Consider what will you say if they don't have any, or what if they came here to not talk about kids. Ask them instead 'would you like to tell me about your family?'

Neverland-That Place Between Awake and Asleep

It was a place between asleep and awake that reminds me of Peter Pan. A place where he's waiting and will be with me. Since this I can go to sleep with the hope that someone else will visit me and tell me about whose caring for Logan and hear that he's ok.