Easter and the celebration of heaven is reminding me I’m one day closer to being able to know for myself. One day these hard questions will be answered. Although we may all stray we will one day be finding our way back home. We are all dust and to dust we shall return.
There is no safe time of pregnancy to announce where loss isn’t a possibility. I know that no matter the length or outcome of this pregnancy we won’t get through it alone. It takes a village.
The saying time heals all wounds must never have felt a wound like this. a wound that changes you to think what would be different or what are we missing that I think everyday.
Sometimes the sounds of Christmas are just hard. I don’t know if I will ever fully be able to listen to silent night without breaking down. There’s moments that make it such a mixture of guilt, sadness, anger, love and joy all mixed together. It’s not always easy to navigate them. I feel like I’ve […]
Sometimes a shower and getting out of bed feels like you deserve an Oscar or some other equivalent!
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. It’s been staring at me these past weeks thinking of what Logan needs. He’s not needing toys or clothes. So instead I’m filling his with memories for him and for us.
Help break the silence and remember with us by lightning a candle at 7 pm for remembrance. Unfortunately our family is not alone in this unimaginable pain. No matter how small they mattered and are always a mystery of who they would’ve been. They matter because they were here, if only for a moment.
Yes it’s totally hipster to talk about friends as a tribe, but you know friendship doesn’t explain how much some of us have been through together. When you can find someone who knows your story your triggers it’s so nice to not explain it again. I think that’s part of the reason it’s harder to […]
Each month we see pink for the warriors who have fought the battle of breast cancer. We see it in stores and even the football fields. This month few outside our community know that this month has had another dedication since October 25, 1988 when President Regan proclaimed this month Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. A month of remembrance of loss of those tiniest babies we hold in our hearts. https://tinyurl.com/ya342hte
The first chord rang and I knew it was coming, it built to the reframe and I had full blown snot and eyes swollen pink from the alligator tears flowing in the middle of church. The sky not the grave is our goal. It just becomes real when you go through something so deep and a loss that challenges what you thought were truths.
As the seasons change and we enter into the crisper barren brown of fall, there’s something missing from it in my heart that cannot be filled.
I’m not really sure where I am right now. I’ve had a strange rush of Facebook memories that have been reminding me of what trajectory my life was once headed. I see pictures of my daughter a year ago and remember how excited she was to give her baby brother hugs inside my womb. I […]
Today baby boy I thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share your story with a total stranger today. I always dread as the calendar gets closer to the 26th. Just another reminder that time has moved on without you here. My husband can testify I’m usually an emotional mess on the 25th of […]
This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. This most recent loss is not how I thought I would be introducing our third child to the internet world. We thank everyone who has supported us so much this week. I know many ask what they can do to help. Really I have no answer. In a state of shock I’m still trying to put my own oxygen mask on before helping others. Once I get some more oxygen I’ll let you know.
I wanted to update everyone on some exciting updates with my writing. I have been accepted as a guest post blogger on still standing magazine. If anyone is looking for great resources on child loss and grief this is such a great resource and so many topics. I am so excited in this new writing […]
Some times the constant reminder you may have a trigger day coming is worse than the actual day. Some days it’s all around when you least expect it!
The power of scent for memory recall has continued to amaze me. I have learned so much more from this and am taking steps to no longer sit aside as uneducated to what I am placing on and in my body. I am doing more of my own research and finding more sources. I know I am not alone, I am the 1 in 4 (miscarriage) and 1 in 160 (stillbirth) who have known infant loss.
I love when there happens to be an inexplicable sign from somewhere that there’s beauty we’re not even seeing. I often feel living in the Midwest prairie that I forget that even if I’m not looking at a mountain or ocean it is all a part of God’s Earth. Through the years I have gotten […]
There’s maybe more meaning to the saying ‘an elephant never forgets’ than you thought you knew. These animals are gentle giants walking this Earth who have so much teach us.
I don’t really have much to say about today other than I’m trying to make a more purposeful time for myself and what I am fulfilled by. I’m looking forward to this time where everything goes through a rebirth. It’s a time for new beginnings and starts. I am making sure that my calendar and […]