Cloud on My Heart

This week has been a blur of doing a million summer memories, spending time together and also a time where we know our hearts are starting to feel heavier.

There’s a 3 year old we aren’t going to be throwing your “traditional” birthday party for. Mostly because there’s no 3 year old boy to blow out his candles here.

Big sis has more empathy and love for him and us than I ever knew could exist. I’ve been feeling on edge, and after the 3rd potty break in 20 minutes I lost it🤯

At bedtime I apologized if mommy and daddy felt angry these last few days. Sometimes our sadness comes out in ways of yelling or frustration. It’s really that we just miss Logan and are mad he’s not here right now.

Then she said “Mommy, I feel that way too! I get sad when I get in trouble sometimes when really I’m just sad and miss him too❤️!”

My mama heart melted thinking of her behavior this way, and how dumb me didn’t put it together! Then she said probably the most profound thing that could come from Glitter Force

“it’s like on my show when the dark cloud comes over your heart. It doesn’t stay forever, but you just feel different when it’s there! But I know it goes away and gets lighter 🌈”

I mean this kid will be moving mountains one day, and maybe one of the best therapists I know, who can make a pretty brainless tv show have a bigger meaning! Friday is coming and I feel that weight knowing the anniversary/birthday/death day are all so freakin close.

This next week I maybe writing a little more, because it makes me feel lighter and that the dark clouds on my heart break for a few moments! So if you don’t want to read emotional stuff, see pictures of my son, then check back after the 26th😉 but even then I won’t ever apologize for the uncomfortable feelings you may have! He is my son, and deserves to be shared and loved just as much as his sisters are!

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Published by Beyondthewillows

I'm a wife, mother to two incredible children. One on Earth and one in heaven.

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1 Comment

  1. Sara, I replied and then realized I had to log in and lost all my thoughts I wrote before, if you see a reply like this one, I’m an idiot and don’t know what I’m doing. I wrote that I appreciate what you are writing. I hope I can encourage you to continue expressing your love. So many people want to know someone understands what they are going through, and your courage to share brings much healing. I see your posts with the joy and sweetness of your young family, but I know there are moments still, maybe in the stillness of the morning or night where reminders drift in your mind. I am reminded of a storm – cold, hard rain, dark clouds and thunder. The sun breaks through, a soft breeze brushes your hair, maybe an angel is touching your face and wiping your tears. Love always to you.

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