I’m continually amazed at how my 4 year old navigates this grief and death stuff better than me and most adults. Moments like National Siblings day make my heart break. I know she’s not the only child most see, and I know she will always remember she is not.
Last week at a Disney ice skating event I was really reminded how many freakin kids movies focus on siblings. Of course the big one Frozen came out, not before the emcee came out and asked the kids “who here had a sister?”
My brave bold girl stood up looked at me and said, “Can I tell her I have a brother!” And not even waiting for a response shouted “I have a brother named Logan!” My brave girl does a better job than I do telling strangers, I do have a brother, he just lives in heaven with Jesus. Usually the kid strangers just say “ok” and go on playing while their parents look awkwardly as I smile. Yup that’s our story, dead baby brother.
There’s other time it breaks my heart. She knows life isn’t a guarantee. With this pregnancy she’ll ask if we get to take this baby home? Will this baby die too? I have to be honest as I know far too well we aren’t guaranteed we will and tell her we’re hopeful we can take this baby home and it can live with us. We remind her and ourselves not all babies die, we have one living with us who proves this point.
I so wish we were able to have new pictures of them together. I’m sure Allie would have tried more than a time or 2 to dress him up and play that he was her living baby doll. I’m wish we had pictures of them messy from playing so fiercely together. There’s so much missing from our family pictures now. But I will hold those few precious days they got to share in the same room forever in my mind.
Behind the Willows 
I wonder how my living children would react if I were to get pregnant again… I would expect that my 6 year old would be very anxious and hesitant about it… and rightly so. But he, like your daughter, has shown such grace during this time of grief.
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It’s definitely different than our prior pregnancy. Many more questions from her and she’s very interested in hugging baby everyday and feeling that baby is still there. But kids really do a good job of showing us grace and appreciation for our times together
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So sorry for your loss. I lost a sibling and it is easy for the child’s feelings to be lost in the sea of family grief. It comes back to like a tide later in life. It sounds like you are very attuned to your child’s needs. It is important to just talk and offer space.
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