I know I’ve heard people talk about having a blue Christmas, but I have yet to hear of a Blue Easter. I remember hearing my pastor say that “as a kid I loved Christmas so much, because presents. But as an adult he’s learned to love Easter more for what it’s promise is.”

That promise has been a struggle for me. I just feel a heaviness that there’s too many children in heaven. Although this life maybe a blip the same as the short life of a wildflower I’ve been struggling with those who didn’t get to live a full life.

Since after our church’s Good Friday service there’s been a prayer vigil going where members of the congregation take turns staying to pray. When it was my turn I first had to stop and catch my breath. This room where I last saw my sons body holds such a place of both love and heartbreak.

I was reminded that God wrote us and promised he’d be coming for us soon. His time is not my time. Its a hard thing to remember when I’m so ready to be able to run through greener pastures. I’m just standing here this Easter eve wondering what glory the angels are singing as they prepare to celebrate Jesus rising. Are they as restless as I feel? What is their heavenly song sounding like? Is Logan dancing with them?

Easter and the celebration of heaven is reminding me I’m one day closer to being able to know for myself. One day these hard questions will be answered. Although we may all stray we will one day be finding our way back home. We are all dust and to dust we shall return.

Published by Beyondthewillows

I'm a wife, mother to two incredible children. One on Earth and one in heaven.

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