I’ve talked to other loss mama’s about how we could all write books of the stupid ‘helpful” things we’ve heard since our loss. One of the top is: “Your young you can always have more.”
It truly aches hearing that.
It assumes that children are interchangeable.
This is usually not meant to be said in a hurtful manner. It’s thought to be look on the bright side. But really it is just minimizing the loss.
Would you say to your grandparent who just lost their partner of 50 years “Don’t worry you can always get married again?”
NO! That would sound completely insincere. You know that although they could get remarried it doesn’t mean that time is forgotten with their loss.
Although our time was shorter than we had wanted with Logan. Having a living child or any possible future children do not replace his place in our family.
The moment that those 2 pink lines show up your life is changed. You make plans before the child is fully formed. You alter your life choices and prepare space in your heart and home for the future you hope for.
Time will not change that. Time does not heal all wounds, it allows for a different perspective.
No matter what stage in life our children are not replaceable. No matter how many others I hold in my arms they will not be the one I lost.
I have heard other loss moms judging me by reminding me to be thankful for my living children. Which I am. But that does not mean I do not mourn the one who is not here.
I’m asking for a stop in the mommy wars.
We are all broken. You may have good intentions. I do not think anyone who has said this has said it purposefully trying to be hurtful. I just ask you to remember: children are irreplaceable.
No matter how long their stay was on this earth, there will never be another exactly like them.